Spring Beckons

The world is in contradiction
Snow flies in the air, yet the birds sing
Water cackles in its power
Now is time of change
The melody of your voice reaches my ears

The sound attracts my attention
It’s time for more change, Time for movement
Time to break free, to venture out
I must leave my entombment
Crawl into the unknown landscape of devotion

I have grown too strong here
Too strong for that which I am housed
Shall I stay anyway and scream from the pain
To keep old self together
For the rest of my days?

Yet, if I go, will I be quenched of thirst?
Will the well be properly filled so I may I grow?
Or is it my lot in life to shrivel?
To ache in pain and despair of yet another ordeal?
My cries satisfying needs of those unknown?

My choice is not mine as I reach to you
Pain is mine as I force myself open
Yet knowing ecstasy and joy of life
Allowing the tryst to begin

You see my torment and relish in it
Smiling you reach deep within
Rare is it that one opens before you
Coming so far and daring to go further
As far as one can go in a lifetime

You are not surprised at my action
As the dance begins
The answer of the heart rings true
As do the oaths
The only surprise left Is where the exquisite rapture takes us next.



Photo from Deviant Art


Reality Received

Blindfolded and reaching I find,
The start of that which was bound
Undeterred, I pressed on
Not knowing anything wrong

The smell of blood caught me
The liquid to my touch, thick and sticky
“No, my dear” He said quietly
“Do not step back, press on directly.”

The wounds I felt were deep
Her moans from pain I reaped
Understanding nothing, I continued
As his reassurances were issued

Finally, feeling the pain I knew
What was not within my view
He took my blindfold to confirm
That which I could now discern

I looked at the reflection where I reached
The blood and sores I beeseeched
I had not known what I asked
Yet now, my die was cast

The Trickster laughed and smiled at me
Yet ever his eyes wept tears for me
“You locked yourself in this trap” said he
“It’s spikes and thorns still tight in thee”

“Fear of failure, fear of anger
Your personal jailers clamor
Their protection ended long ago
And now they keep pieces unknown”

“Learning is healing, yet pain exists
You called it to you, and did insist
Now take the shards back from the abyss
Accept the pieces in as they fit”

I stared in disbelief,
How could I, in my grief
Ask for such a thing of hurt?
Yet I did – my soul, I tore apart

Now the healing has begun
The pain comes as I awaken
But now the true work is being done
As I slowly integrate into one.

Photo from Deviant Art

Prayers for Odin and Loki…..a.k.a. Time For What’s Personal to Become More Public

Yesterday I presented a circle casting for a ritual I’m planning next week.  I very much wanted the rite to be somewhat general in its layout so that the participants could take away things from it that they needed, but not feel like they were pushed into something that felt like a specific rite from a specific spectrum of paganism (e.g., a ‘Heathen’ or ‘Wiccan’ rite).  I also didn’t want it to feel like things were simply ‘pulled’ from those specific spectrums.

So a lot of the rite are things that I have written specifically for this ceremony.  But when it came time to write an invocation to divinity, I found I was blocked from writing anything down, but couldn’t figure out why.  So after some prayers and mental soul-searching, the prayers below came out.  After that, I was able to write the rest of my ceremony.

I’m still not sure if what I’ve written are more invocations or dictations of what these two Gods mean to me, but they both had to come out before I could write anything to any other deity.  I’m ecstatic at how they turned out.  I truly do enjoy both and their personal feel to me.  They feel very powerful and profound.  But after looking them over and preparing to transfer them from the scrap paper to my poem collection, I realized that my requirements to these Gods was not yet finished.

I needed to share both of these prayers here, on this blog.

Even as I type this post, I am still fighting doing this.  And the excuses are continuing to flying around in my head for why I shouldn’t do it.  Today is the autumnal equinox.  I should be posting about that instead of doing this.  I just posted yesterday, I should wait and post this next week or later because I don’t like doing a lot of posts and then nothing at all for weeks on end.  And the one that is really stopping me; these prayers are too personal to publish.

But I’m not getting out of this, and I already know that.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that perhaps I’ve not been ‘putting myself out there’ as much as I should be, or how they want me to.  I’ve talked months before on this blog about building a religious path for myself; one that has specific prayers, specific traditions and offerings that speak to who I am, what I believe and whom I serve.  I’ve also put myself out there as serving the pagan community as a whole.  But I’ve stayed away from labeling myself as anything other than a pagan. These prayers, with their kennings and truths very much do that.  They are an open book to how I view myself and my relationship with these Gods.

So without further excuses, I offer the prayers here.  Feel free to comment and discuss.  I know I’ll be thinking about this exercise for some time as I figure out my adversity to doing it.

Invocation to Loki
Hail to Thee!
Laugaz, my light
Lover, my longing
Fire Jotun, my power
Mind tester, my teacher
Sight minder, my vision
Bound God, my burden
Flame hair, my delight
Cinder maker, my wrath
Hail to you, my Loki


Invocation to Odin
Hail, All Father
Song singer, my voice for you
Wisdom seeker, may I learn your cunning
Teacher, may I learn your teachings
Warrior, may I grow in prowess
One Eyed, may I seek to know and understand
Yule Figure, may I learn joy and unknowing
Rune God, may I learn the Runes
Shapeshifter, may I learn the Seidh
Slain God – may I learn to give of myself
May I ever be your daughter


And about Loki

 I thought my last post about the gifts would be enough of me opening myself up for the day.  Apparently not.  I guess it’s time for me to look into another area that scares the hell out of me, and that is starting to publicize the new (yet old) relationship I have with Loki.

Loki is a God that has scared the hell out of me for many years. Seriously.  I even refused to say his name out loud or even think his name in my head.  I was always afraid of invoking him by accident (oh, I heard my name called, I think I’m going to screw with you today!).

Don’t laugh, that’s what I really thought.

In my mind, a God like him didn’t make sense.  Why in the heck would anyone want to pray to a trickster God whose sole purpose is to screw with you? It felt like the energy he brought was something that was dark, and only something that should be handled in very low doses like it was radioactive.  Yeah, I fully understood back then that balance is key, and in my mind Loki was a necessary evil, but to fully revel in it as someone worshipping under Loki felt like it was very unbalanced.

Looking back, I realize now that there seemed to always be this ‘dance’ between him and I.  For crying out loud, he was considered a patron god of a coven that I was with for several years and learned a significant amount in.  I worked a great deal with laughter in gathering energy and in circle, and yet I just never saw the connection.  Or I ignored it.

Flash forward to the night I was kept up by him whispering things in my head.  With the mindset I had of fearing him, you can bet I was freaked out when that started to happen.  What would happen to my life? What would happen to the semblance of practice I had going for me at the time?  How badly was he going to uproot my existence?  I went into full panic mode.  Here was a God making himself known to me stronger than any Diety had ever done before, and it was the Trickster, known for pulling the rug out from under people in unexpected ways.

All of this course happened immediately after Marvel makes a new image of him by a hot actor.  It seemed like overnight, the term “Lokian” became mainstream pagan.  I understand there are people who  worship that aspect of  him.  But for me, I didn’t want to be associated with it.  In fact I’d rather be as far from it as possible, a fact that Loki as I know him finds largely amusing.  I just cannot wrap my brain around wanting to include a comic book aspect in my serious, religious practice, especially one that feels so biased.  To me it just screams fluffy-bunny, new age/wannabe rebel.  Even watching those movies now bothers the heck out of me (and is again something that amuses him to no end).

So after several drama filled days of deep thought, discussion with my husband and with some trusted friends, I have accepted working with Loki.  And immediately after my life did change, but for the better.

Now that I have gotten my history out of the way, I want to speak to what I feel he has done.  Loki is someone that makes you stare deep within yourself.  He puts a mirror up to your soul and forces you to see the things that which you do not want to see.  It doesn’t matter what aspect you are holding baggage in, he will force you to deal with it.  He already has taken me to task about many parts of my life that I held negativity in.  And if you are ready to let things go, the transformation is like a baptism of fire.

Loki  is serious and stern taskmaster.  He however does expect you to stand up to him when you feel things are going too far.  It all goes to the task of making you stronger and more willing to take care of yourself. In turn, his devotion to you can be just as strong.  He just is not the type to show it, or if he does, it is not in a way that is expected.

I have to admit my journey with him has just started, but I don’t want things any other way.  He has helped me to become comfortable in my own skin I think for the first time in my life.

The acceptance of the oath I have made is not permanent.  This whole thing is a trial, a stipulation I asked for when he first made himself known to me.  I cannot tell you that it will always work out so beautifully, but I can tell you that my whole opinion toward him has changed.  Now I will always be grateful that he has called me to dance with him through the fire, no matter how long this lasts.