Connection To The Wolf

Perhaps it’s still made up in my mind
Perhaps it is still a game
The heart and soul of a wolf inside
My piece of burning hell flame

Playing with clothes, weapons, and titles
Superficial station claim
Meaningless oaths, spoken to the flames
Played for adoration aim

My own gameplay was not convincing
Pomp and circumstance aren’t me
I cannot be disingenuine
Taken oaths were true to me

My oaths meant kindling for that fire
So I let the flame transform
Because I paid the entrance prices
The seed cracked, open to the storm

As it happens in the turns of life
My transformation was real
The heart of the wolf beats with my own
Oath and code, spirit keeps sealed

Courage, enough to stand in battle
Strength, seeing the fighting through
Loyalty to Gods, family, oathbound
Integrity, my spirit, be true

Honor to give, live by and receive
Kindness for all, no exclusion
Discipline, may the right path pursue
Perseverance for completion

I know these truths I found in the pack
I follow this code daily
The scars of the wolf still stain my skin
The code my authenticity

Proud am I, to have crossed my swords
With those whom I call brother
My battle now is more serious
Fighting pain my endeavor

I will not forget what I have done
Even with the pain of loss
I won’t continue the way it was
The lone wolf, forever lost

But even without the pack support
By sword and blood, sister am I
Burned in hell, badges worn with honor
I am transformed from the fire

No one can tell me what I am not
I begin to understand
Ironwolf am I, forever will be
Sworn by will and strength to stand

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Come Back to Battle

It came to me today,
The picture, freshly taunting
Salt to the wound, it was
A known battlefield, always haunting

My eyes filled, my heart ached,
Memories came flooding back.
Of wasted time, wrapped in fear
And battle skills I sorely lacked

Courage had I, heart too
It took everything I had
Just to wear the colors
And hold my sword, armor-clad

Oh to go back to then
Just to try once more
Prove what I say I was
The fighting Lady of that war

Now, body broken, Spirit healing
I stare as the picture speaks
It whispers temptations if I let it
Yet it also taunts with battle shrieks

I grow stronger now, yet cannot tell
What the fates have in store for me
But now I know, I cannot answer the call
For me, Lady fighter I will never again be.

 

 

 

Photo from Deviant art

The Tempering

Fear in the heart
My Legs weak
The threatening dark
sensing my defeat

Surrounding whispers
Heart of pain
Stomach clenching
My tears like rain

Screaming, near defeat,
But strength still flows
This won’t take me
Truth lives in my bones

Once more, I stand
Though weak, I fight
The tempering  continues
Spirit burns bright.

 

 

The Trial of the Flame

flame_by_vexix1887
Photo from Deviant Art

Well take my hand, and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.
Oh take my hand, and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.

Now well within the cold dark battlements,
Black raven calls my name.
Never’ fore have I explored this backside of my brain.
There amongst those misty ruins likes this port of death and pain.

Take my hand, we’ll make a stand,
Through the trial of the flame.
Well take my hand and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.

Gonna take this long trek down the shoreline.
Where the sea awaits me there,
If you do not fear it friend,
You’re ‘bout as mad as can compare.
Lost souls, and ghosts and phantoms are there awaitin’ in the rain.
So take my hand and walk with me through the trial of the flame.

Take my hand and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.
Take my hand and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.

How does it happen now good lad
Black raven calls your name?
On this dismal voyage through a world that reeks of death and pain.
So clear the smoke it’s vastness so infest your mortal brain.
Take my hand I’ll lead you through this trial of the flame.

Take my hand and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.
Take my hand and follow me,
Through the trial of the flame.

 

 

I may not have all of the lyrics of this song correct, but they are as close as I can get them from listening to Garold Amadon’s album “Tillerman’s Rye”.  This song for me is speaking to a lot of trials that I seem to be going through lately; with the fibromyalgia, the changes in my social groups, my work and in my spiritual life.  It’s funny, Tillerman’s Rye came out over 20ish years ago now and those lyrics are still as meaningful now as they were then.

We aren’t meant to be stagnant beings on this planet.  We are meant to learn, grow wiser and to help others.  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to hurt along the way as we stretch ourselves.  We can only try to keep moving forward, keep pushing, keep striving for what is right for us and for our communities.

 

(Song by Garold Amadon, off the album “Tillerman’s Rye,”  available at his website)

Poem: I fly

The draft around me
I feel the sky
Wings outstretched, taut
I  bob and weave, leaning  into the wind
I see my prize

Water splashing around me
I dive in
Chaos reigns and could kill
Only a moment I have
I claim my prize

Pounding hard now
I regain my height
Heavier than before
But yet I overcome
I have my prize

I shall live a day more

Poem: Spring Beckons

The world is in contradiction
Snow flies in the air, yet the birds sing
Water cackles in its power
Now is time of change
The melody of your voice reaches my ears

The sound attracts my attention
It’s time for more change, Time for movement
Time to break free, to venture out
I must leave my entombment
Crawl into the unknown landscape of devotion

I have grown too strong here
Too strong for that which I am housed
Shall I stay anyway and scream from the pain
To keep old self together
For the rest of my days?

Yet, if I go, will I be quenched of thirst?
Will the well be properly filled so I may I grow?
Or is it my lot in life to shrivel?
To ache in pain and despair of yet another ordeal?
My cries satisfying needs of those unknown?

My choice is not mine as I reach to you
Pain is mine as I force myself open
Yet knowing ecstasy and joy of life
Allowing the tryst to begin

You see my torment and relish in it
Smiling you reach deep within
Rare is it that one opens before you
Coming so far and daring to go further
As far as one can go in a lifetime

You are not surprised at my action
As the dance begins
The answer of the heart rings true
As do the oaths
The only surprise left Is where the exquisite rapture takes us next.

 

 

Photo from Deviant Art

Poem: Reality Received

Blindfolded and reaching I find,
The start of that which was bound
Undeterred, I pressed on
Not knowing anything wrong

The smell of blood caught me
The liquid to my touch, thick and sticky
“No, my dear” He said quietly
“Do not step back, press on directly.”

The wounds I felt were deep
Her moans from pain I reaped
Understanding nothing, I continued
As his reassurances were issued

Finally, feeling the pain I knew
What was not within my view
He took my blindfold to confirm
That which I could now discern

I looked at the reflection where I reached
The blood and sores I beeseeched
I had not known what I asked
Yet now, my die was cast

The Trickster laughed and smiled at me
Yet ever his eyes wept tears for me
“You locked yourself in this trap” said he
“It’s spikes and thorns still tight in thee”

“Fear of failure, fear of anger
Your personal jailers clamor
Their protection ended long ago
And now they keep pieces unknown”

“Learning is healing, yet pain exists
You called it to you, and did insist
Now take the shards back from the abyss
Accept the pieces in as they fit”

I stared in disbelief,
How could I, in my grief
Ask for such a thing of hurt?
Yet I did – my soul, I tore apart

Now the healing has begun
The pain comes as I awaken
But now the true work is being done
As I slowly integrate into one.

Photo from Deviant Art