Sometimes

Sometimes you hurt so much you cry
But that is the least of what it can do
Instead you push on, through the daily lie
Until you yourself don’t know if it’s true

Sometimes you are so tired you could scream
Simple tasks become unachievable feats
No longer can you do what you dream
A couch and bed now your only domain

Sometimes you get mad enough to push through
Pick up the sword, it’s time to go fight
Overcome the challenge, and create ones anew
Don’t expect anything to be easy

Sometimes you don’t dare speak the truth
Pain?  So what??  I have my own!
You are no different, we are all robbed of youth
You can’t prove you are any worse off

Sometimes I wish for better care
That one magic pill that would set me free
Instead, oil salesmen sell their wares
Sure!  I can help!  For a huge fee

Sometimes I hope and dare to do more
A full-time job, exercise and activity
Fake it till you make it, just one more chore
Push through till it hurts just to breathe

Sometimes I dream for more activity
Close friends, girls nights out, parties and shopping
Instead I get shut down aggressively
How dare you make plans in your condition??

Sometimes I still dare for more
Sometimes I’ll keep trying
Sometimes I get it
Sometimes

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Poem: Think About It

 

You never realize how much you damage yourself
Until you take a hard look in a mirror
And finally ask yourself
What do I like?

You never realize how much you hurt yourself
Until you take a hard look in a mirror
And finally ask yourself
Who am I?

You never realize how unkind you are to yourself
Until you take a hard look in a mirror
And finally ask yourself
Am I enough?

Betcha your answers match mine.

 

 

 

 

New Poem: Originality

Originality

I look around, at this world that’s yet so unknown

A frightened child, horrified at things that have been done

I don’t know why it hurts so much, I’m tired of this pain

All I wanted was to belong, to fit in once again

 

Symbols earned, vows spoken, the blood of ancestry

All tied together, yet don’t quench the ache in me

I fought so hard to get here, for my authenticity

Yet now that I’ve achieved it, I don’t know who to be

 

Hurt rolls inside me, spilling from my eyes

Yet no way to quench the pain, none I recognize

Why do they all turn away from what I have become

Because parts of me are different, I’m whole but not just one

 

Yet still I try to find that place where I fit in

Knowing deep in my heart it will never be again

I wonder why I pushed myself, why I did all this work

When there is no one around who knows what I’m truly worth

 

So now I go forth mindlessly, in this world of pain

Watching how I interact, learning to understand again

Everything is so difficult, everything’s so new

Unsure of where to go, I simply push through.

 

 

Photo from Deviant Art

Poem:  I Am

I finished writing this poem today and present it here for thoughts.  I am quite fond of it, although some people have read it and been uncomfortable with its expressions.

The poem speaks to my life.  I am coming to the end of a significant amount of Shadow work, and this is a celebration of that.  I have reclaimed and am healing shards of my soul, embraced many of my issues and wrestled with personal demons.  I feel like now I come from a place of power that was meant for me, if only I dared to come this far.

Perhaps that is why this poem makes people so uncomfortable.

 

 

I Am

I am the uncomfortable silence,
I am the calm before the storm.
A friend may partake in my peace
While the foe shall hear no alarm.

I am sister-wife of The Mad,
I am the daughter of Gangleri.
A friend shall enjoy my aid,
While the foe fearful of my company.

I am she who rests in nightmares,
I dance where others dare creep.
Do not think that I am defenseless
Attack me, and pain you shall reap

Is there still a question of my loyalty?
Do I still belong in the house I dwell?
Oh I assure you, the wolf within is quite content,
Yet ever willing to come out of my shell

They Stand With Us

I see you looking at me
Your face, expressionless
You don’t want to give away
What you feel
I’m truly a distraught mess
I’m in pain, in anguish
I’m going through my trials
In my head
Those like you don’t interfere
At least, usually
You know that I want you to
But you can’t
My anxieties are my own
My trials are all my own
My pain and fatigue are my own
All caused by what is wrong with this world
You will stand strong beside me
But cannot take this from me
Proud that I will keep fighting
I will heal

The Fight

It comes when least expected
It doesn’t care who you are
It doesn’t care what you do

My  battle came last night
The pain awakening me from my sleep
Wave after wave hit me telling me battle was near

Begrudenly I swallowed the pill, the armor
And another, my sword
And finally, my shield

I laid back down
And set my mind to the task
The night became long, but it was fought to a draw

So now I write of my struggle
Today I write of my pain
To tell others they are not alone

I did not win this battle, but I will win others
And as I wait for my next fight,
I lend my voice

You do not fight alone
As I knew last night in my heart
We may not know each other, but we are joined in one cause

We fight for our movement
We fight for our minds
We fight for our peace

We fight to be free

The Personal Flame – Inspired Writing

flame_by_equoris

“In each of us, there is a flame that exists.  This flame is your spirit, your very essence.  It is this flame that represents what you truly are.  When you do things that celebrate your individuality and uniqueness, you feed this flame.  When you do things that give other people power over you, you diminish this flame. 

In many individuals, that flame has been diminished to the point of being barely lit.  The flame has become a small ember that is constantly threatening to go out.  These are the people who are so wrapped up in others opinions, thoughts and desires that they forget to realize their own.  They have made themselves weak and willingly become slaves for others to use at their will. 

In other individuals, the flame burns very brightly.  It burns so brightly that it is in danger of burning others that come too close.  These are the people who are so concerned with themselves and their own individuality that they forsake others opinions, thoughts and desires.  Many times they judge others harshly, or just dismiss the other outright.  What these people fail to remember is that others individuality is just as powerful as their own, and they too are capable of being a strong, powerful being.

Each of us struggle between these two extremes within our lives.  It is our task to live within the two; constantly shifting our thoughts, desires and beliefs in order to walk the path of balance.  In balance, we express ourselves and become stronger, yet we also aid others who are also looking to be more than they are.  We empower each other to create beautiful relationships with each other and with the spirits of the earth, sky and the sea.

***

The above words are not fully my own.  They are something that came to me so strongly that I had to stop what I was doing during a busy work day and start writing them out.  I offer them here for others to find meaning in the lesson as I have.

Personally, I am one of those that had a demised flame.  It is only through work with the Gods and through my ancestry that I realized how I was not hearing my own voice, and thus letting my flame go out.  Now I have more of a stronger fire, but I recognize that more work needs to be done in order to get myself into proper balance.  That is part of my work this year.

 

Photo from Deviantart.