I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on my growing up lately. I think it’s necessary to do at times; you need to re-remember the good, and deal with the bad so that it doesn’t affect your life moving forward.
And as I remember my life as a child, one of the things that pops out to me the most is how awed I was of the concept of God. Even at a young age I could feel divine energy all around me, and it was fascinating. I remember being in church at a young age, wanting to do so much more than just sit in a pew and sing to honor the God that I felt so strongly.
Now that I am in my fourties, I am thankful that I feel this spirit of awe even deeper. I am free to understand and worship on my own, and because of that I have done a significant amount of research into what type of devotion to God is right for me. And I’m very glad I have done so. I remember my father being upset with me asking questions so long ago. It was almost as if he felt that if I learned too much, if I studied religions too deeply that I would lose the faith I had in God.
But what really happened was quite contrary to that. I’ll give an example to explain.
As I sit here, typing this out, I’m watching my cat walk back and forth across the floor, picking up the bits of bacon my husband put down for him from our breakfast. I understand how he walks, the connection of the muscles connected by tendons to bone, the nerves firing, making the muscles contract and relax. I know how he exists, and I’m awed at the marvel that is the life going through his body. That life, in my belief, is there by divinity. And even if I no longer believed in a divine force, my cat is still a marvel of ingenuity that is worthy of awe.
I think those of us who forge our own religious path sometimes lose the spirit of awe, and that is sad. We are more apt to focus on specifics about pantheons, ancient writings, specific practices and disciplines to grow our own awareness and energy that sometimes we done stop to think about the fact that all of this creation just…exists, and it does so without us. And that is worthy of looking at things with awe.
Awe to me makes things holy. It gives me a reason to continue to learn, and strive to be the best person I can be. If I am worthy to live in a world that was built with wonders and energies and life, then I must learn to be the best person I can be in this world in order to give back – to say thank you for the awe that I feel.