I listen to a hard rock/metal station that plays lots of new artists as I come into work each day. Heavy metal and hard rock are both types of music that I can pull energy from when I am having a hard time with my fibro, and I’m always on the lookout for new bands to add to my playlists.
This morning a band came on however that gives me significant pause. Don’t get me wrong, I like their music, and even occasionally sing along when they are played on the radio. But this band prominently puts it out there that they are a Christian band. And because they are so open about it, whether it’s real or imagined for me, I can hear Christian themes throughout their music. And for that reason, I can’t bring myself to patronize them.
This isn’t because I don’t believe the Christian religion is a decent path. And this isn’t because I don’t see the fact that many other people feel comfort and solace from it. This is because of the significant number of people that are on the Christian path that try to tell me what I do and believe in is wrong, and that I need to be ‘saved’ or recruited somehow to become Christian again.
Like I have said before in my posts, I was raised Roman Catholic. And for many years I struggled with trying to find my place in that religion. I also gave many other denominations of Christianity a try, and still struggled. None of these denominations were a fit with me; and many of them looked at the metaphysical gifts that I possessed as things that the “devil” was tempting me with. Yet those gifts never went away, no matter how much I wanted them to when I was a child.
I don’t think a Christian can imagine that – I, a small child back then, able to see other’s pain, spirits and energy, and being told that those things were evil. And no matter how I tried, I could not stop seeing things. How much do you think that hurt? Here I was, a child who desperately wanted to fit with the religion of my parents, but never truly did because I had these ‘evil’ gifts? And even worse, because I was so ‘evil’ I was going to go to a place that would cause me great pain for eternity for things that I had no control over. That was damaging to me. VERY Damaging. It’s something I hurt from for many, many years.
And even now, I still have people ask me to turn back to Christianity because I must not have found the ‘right’ niche for me back then. I’ve dealt with the pain and hurt that I experienced as a child, and I’ve found a religious and spiritual path that makes me feel more connected to the world around me than I ever have, yet I’m still being asked to go to a totally different religion that has more people in it who think what gifts I have are evil, and will cause me strife for using them.
No. Just. No.
I know also that the inclusion of Christian rock in my playlists will just be an opening to be confronted about converting. Someone may think I’m going overboard, but if comments on my Facebook wall become openings for Facebook friends to pop in and tell me I’m on the ‘wrong’ religious path (which I still get!), what would admitting and patronizing a Christian rock band do?
The thing that gets me the most about this whole situation is that I understand. I understand how someone could feel so passionate about a Christian God. I understand how someone can feel so happy being connected to a church, and how they feel so content in their soul by speaking with others about their religion. I understand, because I feel it too about my Gods. And I wish Christians well with the path that makes them so happy. But until they understand that MY path makes me JUST AS happy, and that I don’t need to be ‘saved’, I cannot have any relationships with them. And that is very disappointing, because there are beautiful things in that religion. But just because I find something from another religion beautiful doesn’t mean that I am destined to become a member of that religion. Until those Christians who are out to save souls realize that, they are going to continue to be shut out of conversations that would be inspiring, powerful and beneficial for everyone involved.
Photo from Deviant Art