The night started like any other normal night. As night fell, I retired to my bedroom in order to prepare for sleep. However, upon lying down I felt the gentle ‘pull’ on my spirit. The Gods had other plans in mind for me than simply roaming around within the dream world. Tonight would be instead a journey to the realms of spirit in order to learn another lesson. I quickly made the necessary preparations and prepared to go where I was lead.
Upon closing my eyes I found myself staring at a funeral pyre that was yet to be lit. There were no tears from the others watching with me. Instead, the sense in the air was that something powerful was about to happen. No one was here to mourn. Instead, they were here to witness rebirth.
Once I recognized that important difference, I felt the wood on my back as I found myself lying down on top of the pyre, chained there so that I could not move. I frantically searched through my mind, and looked over at the other version of myself still staring at the pyre.
‘This can’t be right’ I thought, panic starting to set in. Frantically I tried to pull my spirit away, but it was no use. I was tied to the pile of wood very well. Nonetheless, I continued to struggle
‘This is meant to be’ I heard a male voice say. The voice calmed my fears some, so I stopped struggling.
It was then that I saw a spectator light the wood at my feet.
In the physical world fire burns quickly. I’ve heard fire doubles in size every four seconds. But here, it felt like it took forever to catch. Finally, I could feel it close in on my feet and legs. The sensation was nothing like I had never felt before. Thankfully, there was no pain, but that didn’t mean the destruction of the fire was lessened any. I looked down and watched as the skin of my arms started to blister and be burned away exposing the muscle and bone underneath. The flames lapped at my torso, and again I watched the blistering and burning of my skin. In moments I was looking down at my ribs and could see my organs aflame through the bone. I tried to breathe but flames instead entered my nose and mouth. I could feel them as they burned away the nasal tissue and found their way into my lungs.
The flames got hotter then, and my bones started to burn away. By now I could no longer see as my eyes were turned to dust. But I could still feel the flame and it’s power burning my body away. And as the dust started to accumulate I realized that no longer was I the body that had burned, but instead I was the flame. I opened my new eyes and realized I was born again a giantess. All around me was the world of fire as I walked. I felt the destruction of the flame and knew that I would in time I would destroy everything. I would be the one to set everything on fire. I was drunk with the power of destruction and death, loving every moment that I controlled that power.
Then I knew it was time to transform again, and I started to feel a slight chill. It started to become harder to move forward and I realized the power of the fire was retreating into me as the outside of my body started to chill and turn blue from cold. Quickly my environment changed from fire to one of ice and snow. Finally I could no longer moved and I feared I would be stuck within the block of Ice I had become forever.
It was then I saw Loki walking toward me. The fire god was not in human form, but rather a walking ball of flame. Lovingly he embraced the block of ice I had become and I felt myself melting back into my human form. Yet, even though I looked the same as I did before the journey started, I felt very much transformed.
I heard the male voice speak again. ‘You will go through this transformation again and again until you give up all that you do not need and allow it to be burned away. How many times you must endure the flame is up to you.
And then, just as abruptly as it came, the journey ended, and I awoke in my own bed, my husband sleeping next to me.
The next day I did feel different. I cannot put my finger on the specifics, but I know that the journey changed me to my core. I no longer fear that which I once did. And if that fear does come back I immediately see and feel the flames on my body. I know them now as a reminder of what it was I endured, and a signal to know that I am attempting to carry something once again I do not need any longer.
This is a transformation that I have been deeply grateful for. Although it scared me, it was one that was needed, and had I known it was coming, I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to lay on that funeral pyre myself. I know it happened the way that it needed to. However next time I may have to make the choice to burn in flame myself.
Photo by Mirovia from Deviant Art