If you have been following, you will have noticed that I’ve been doing a significant amount of shadow work lately. It’s all things that I have been working on for a long time, and it seemed like all at once everything started fitting in place, helping me realize what I need to deal with.
So each day, on top of pushing through my daily mundane duties, I’ve given a lot of time to that shadow work, that self reflection and that necessary journeying and spell work.
And it’s been exhausting.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining. This is stuff I’ve been trying to work through for a heck of a long time. And seeing it finally moving is something I am quite happy about. But now I feel like the Gods are giving me another order that I’m having an even harder time trying to obey.
It’s time to rest.
I’m not done yet! There is still a lot of ground to cover! I’ve only figured out a small fraction of what I want to figure out! There is a lot more for me to learn yet! I don’t think I have things in a position to allow me to rest yet! I’m afraid I’ll forget something, or pick that habit back up! I haven’t made enough progress!
What is funny about all of this is that I get a lot of my pagan friends that laugh when they hear I’m working with Odin, The Medicine Pipe and Loki, and joke about all of the work and things that they are going to make me face. And the thing is, I don’t understand the joke sometimes. I want to face these things. I want to go into the place that that I fear, because I know I will be a better person on the other side. I want to fight those demons lurking in the darkness, because I will gain strength for doing so.
It’s the resting that I’m not so good at.
So for me, the joke is perhaps the opposite.
This weekend is my birthday weekend, and although it’s not a rounded number (that was last year) I am going to do my best to get some rest in. there will be 8 hours in the car, but there will also be an extra day off work.
Something tells me I’m not the only one to do this. Something tells me someone else out there needs to rest more often than they do now. So if I can do this, I expect those needing some rest to do it as well.
And I think I can do this. Maybe.