Stormbringer, God of Sight
Lord of fire
Bringer of the Dark
You who bring fluidity and Life, destruction and death
I hear your call
I have shown you my anguish and taken your oath
I shall dance in your fire as long as you will have me
Previously I posted about how I finally acknowledged that I felt like I was being called by Loki, and that I was scared as hell about it. I wanted to share an update.
If you haven’t read the previous post, basically I finally acknowledged last year that he has been reaching out to me. So, I took a temporary oath to him in order to better understand who exactly he is and why I was called. Since then, I’ve been doing daily work with Loki. That daily work has significantly changed my beliefs about him. I recognize now that all I was doing was prolonging the inevitable; I am one of his devotees, and now I fully see why.
First, I’m not going to get into the rationale as to why Loki is not a ‘dark’ or ‘evil’ deity. Plenty of people have done that and I don’t care to repeat the same arguments. As it is, I’m certain that most people have made up their minds and that is that; they aren’t going to change it just because one more person tells them to. But I will say that there is a significant uptick in people recognizing what a powerful and ancient deity he is regardless of his appearance in certain Marvel movies. The knowledge of his multi-faceted purpose is making him more than just the passing fad. (Oh, and if you ever want to truly divide a certain actor from his appearance as Loki, watch this, especially if you don’t like country music. It will help you divide the two really well. In fact I keep a copy of the video just to remind myself of the differences because Loki seems to love to pick on me about it.)
Loki is a true catalyst for change, something that needs to be recognized prior to starting work with him. When I started acknowledging him in my life, everything changed almost all at once. That change made me search for stability, which I found within my own strength and self-worth. I recognized that there were things that were going to be thrown at me that were not pleasant. I also recognized that those things were going to be scary, they would make me angry and they would take me as far away from my comfort zone as I could possibly get. But I also recognized that if I had enough faith in myself, my strength and in my abilities, I knew I could get through all of it. I likened myself to a buoy bobbing in the water during a raging storm; rocked by the waves yet able to go over them consistently and as upright as I could possibly be.
With Loki, nothing is invisible. In my previous post, I spoke about how he wasted no time bring up issues I had hidden deep within myself. These things that were quickly brought to light were things that I had to deal with in order to move forward and become stronger. Since then even more things has been brought up, especially issues that I had thought I had dealt with but not fully taken care of. These issues ranged from being about my extended family to spirituality and religion, body image issues, sexuality and even abuse and triggers for that abuse that I had not dealt with. Loki he pushed me to deal with each and every one of them. Each time he did he was stern, but he always brought it up in ways I could understand and connect with.
I will note that these issues didn’t come up all at once. I trust him to only give me what I can handle, and once I have dealt with something, he gives me something new to ponder. In the end I recognize he helping me become a stronger, more authentic individual. Perhaps he has called me just for me to tell my story so that more people recognize him. Or perhaps there are other reasons that he hasn’t told me. Either way, I recognize that had he not pushed me to take a long, hard look in the mirror, I would not be as comfortable in my own body as I am today. I would still be in many ways scared of my own thoughts and afraid to take action. I would not be as strong as I am; I know it was me that did the work, but it was he that showed me how to do it.
I think should someone else be in the same situation that I was, the biggest thing that they will be surprised at is how multi-faceted he is. Even now as I try to describe him I am grasping at words to explain how much he has done for me and what I have become in his honor. He is my friend, my Lord, my confidant, my guide, my lover and much more. I am his child, his babysitter, the straight woman to his comic, his lover, his underling, his aide and whatever else he thinks I can handle.
An excellent book on the subject is Dagulf Loptson’s “Playing with Fire: An Exploration of Loki Laufeyjarson”. This book sums up about 95% of what I have come to understand what Loki is. I also like his term for those worshiping Loki: a Lokean, and agree that the Rokkur term that seems to continue to float around is something that does not fit everything that Loki has shown himself to be.
It’s funny, now that I have all of that out in the open, I’m still nervous by it. It’s the same fear as I had when I started talking about my medicine pipe a couple posts back. There is such a stigma about Loki that even now I still have concerns about putting my oath out there to him as my fulltrui. To me that is utterly hilarious and maddening at the same time. It just goes to show you the power of labels I guess.
But now it’s out there. This post is his work too. He wants me to take responsibility; to publicly say I am his daughter, sister, lover and friend. And I am proud to do just that.
Hail to Laufey’s son!
Above Image from Deviant Art.