Learning what it is I am, and what I am not

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The beginning of a new part of the Journey

I have had a very on again/off again relationship to divinity.  As a Wiccan I held the belief that all named Gods and Goddesses were facets of one source of divinity.  Those names were created throughout the ages to allow humans to interact with them as they needed.  In more modern times, an aspect of divinity was called upon to intercede when necessary regarding specific problems and needs.  And while in Wicca the thought of a Patron God and Goddess did come up, it felt right for me to only call them by generic names.

Later on in my pagan journey I changed my theory some.  My rationale was simple; why focus on one facet of a crystal when you hold the entire crystal in your hand?  Thus, I started to change aspects of my energy work and spirituality to focus on the entire source of divinity.  And while I recognized that as a human I could not comprehend the vastness, complete power nor the understanding that the source of divinity entails, I did my best to be a vehicle for that source on this planet.

Some think that working with such a high level of energy all of the time that it would eventually burn you out.  And while I understand the theory I never had the problem.  I am of the opinion that if this source is all knowing and all powerful, it already understands how much you can handle and thus will not go beyond sending that amount of energy to you.  In fact, I didn’t have any problems with this until more recently, when found I had somehow caught the attention of a certain Norse Trickster God.

Loki made his presence known by not letting me sleep for several nights.  He was constantly in my head, not allowing me to do much of anything else but to think of him.  Therefore, after some soul searching, conversation with my husband and with a trusted friend who followed Norse tradition more closely, I starting really listening.  Finally, I realized how he and his aspect fits into my life, and how he was the ‘yang’ to the ‘yin’ source energy I had been working with for so long.  .He is the missing piece to my balance.

Once I started working with Loki more deeply, I realized there were other things that I was missing.  I am more in tune with the seasons and the spirits of the land than I ever have been.   Many of my gifts have reopened to me, and find myself doing more spell work again and reframing other beliefs that I thought were settled.  In many ways these things are new to me, but in other ways I finally feel myself coming home.  This is exciting, but scares the hell out of me all at once.

I know many people might look at this story and immediately think what I am doing in terms that fall under polytheist or Northern Tradition, but I am not labeling it.  I am who I am, and I am allowing this to grow organically.   No one should rush into a relationship with any God or Goddess unless they understand what it is they are getting into.  And while I understand some of this, it will take more time to understand the true nature of what it is that he asks of me.

This blog is another aspect that has evolved out of my relationship.  I know a lot about Wicca and many other aspects of paganism.  What I find I am not aware of are the newer concepts and labels used in the pagan community.   In that regard I find I am like a senior citizen trying to learn how to use a computer for the first time.  That is why I am here now; learning to empty some of what I know out of the full cup in order to gain new understanding of what it is I am being asked to do.

I welcome comments, suggestions and thoughts

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Author: Karlesha

I am a martial artist, historical fencer, yogi, runner, intuitive / empath, diviner and pagan. My passion is learning about myself, where I fit in the world and where I can do the most good.

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